how long has it been?

I apologize for neglecting you, my dear blog, because as you&I know, you mean so much to me, so I apologize for my neglect to you.
Basically, not that much to tell, just that Nick&I are going to be celebrating our one month anniversary soon, right around the time of Valentines day, so that works out well in our favor.
I have a A- in math, so dreams do come true<3
&I just served my first friday school for ditching FSP that one day, thank god they only caught me one day, &Nick was going to serve it with me, since he skipped the first day of pool, but his aunt got really sick&he needed to see her in the hospital, so that adventure I went on alone.
Nick&I are better than ever, I really care about him now, and I'm so glad, because I was worried I wouldn't have the same feelings he has for me, towards him. That fear that the feelings could not being mutual was hard, but now I thank God that he gave me Nick, bringing Nick to me helped me in more ways than one.
Nick&I did have a rough week though, arguing a lot, and comparing our relationship to Paige&Anthony's is like the kiss of death, but in hindsight Nick&I have a great dynamic&I love him so.<3
I fell in love with a new social networking sight, called thumb. God, it's amazing! It's like a opinion app that you can attach photos to, and Nick&I both have one, and I got him hooked on it. 
Pool started, and it's a little mix of fantastic&dreadful. Nick in my class makes it the best, and I like the people in the class more than I initially thought I would, but showering and changing is messy&unorganized, so every 3rd hour blue day, I have a mini panic attack.
Other than that, things are moving at a fast pace, still trying to keep my head above water, but taking it day by day, and doing the best I can.

thongs...really?

So, I'm in trouble again...typical of me. Even though trouble just seems to follow me lately, not like I'm one of those rebellious teens chasing after danger and possible consequence, but I just always find myself wrapped up in a big tangled mess that one of my bad descisions created. So yeah, it was about thongs. So, my mom is psychotic about the smallest things, one of those things being thongs. I think she forgets that I'm a freshman in high school, and part of growing up is taking those baby steps at becoming a adult, but no, I'm stuck to wearing ass covered underwear like I'm 12 years old. It makes it worse that every mother I've talked to about this issue sees no problem with thongs, but I'm stuck with the mother that is so pig-headed and stubborn, that she refuses to sit down and soak in what I'm saying, and the thought that I could have a point about how now that I'm in high school and I should be allowed to wear a different kind of underwear, she won't even dance on that topic. Just one of the things that makes me want to rip every strand of hair out of my head is when I talk to my mother, she thinks she's a five star parent, like she does the mother job with perfection and grace, when recently she's been a ticking time bomb, and that brings out the worst in me. Of course I'm going to have a bad attitude with a mom that makes me want to punch myself in the face&a step-dad that probably has a undiagnosed mental issue at times, and the two of them together lecturing me makes a thunderstorm turn into a tsunami. I wouldn't be surprised if I ran away in the near future, if that day came I wouldn't be that shocked, being locked up like I'm a terrible kid (which I'm not, I never even do anything) makes me crave my freedom more than any other. I need to get out of here.

i'm proud of myself.

I'm proud of myself in the choices that I made with whether to choose Nick, or to take a risk and wait for Matt to actually straight-up tell me he likes me. I chose Nick, dropped any possibility of being with Matt, and I couldn't be happier. I'm not the type of girl that wants to go around chasing after a guy, making him tell me the things he's thinking, and demanding the respect to deaf ears. Matt would have never told me he liked me, I'd never see the day when Matt looked at me straight in the face and told me what he was thinking, that was just never in the cards for us. That's okay, though, we were never meant to be together, and that's fine with me, because look what I got out of leaving Matt, I got Nick. Nick, the boy who I never in a million years would have thought he'd like me, and when he did, I never in a million years thought I'd feel the way I do about him. I think that is because there wasn't a instant connection between us, but we have so much common ground, and even though we fight a lot, we're always looking out for each other, and trying to make the day better for one another. He's what I needed, someone that made my day easier, but never ceased to throw those wrenches in there to keep me on my toes. Our relationship isn't perfect, but that's what makes it real, and it's refreshing to have someone real in my life.

yesterday's still today.

The reasoning for my slightly gilry, outrageously giddy post? Probably because I spent like the whole day yesterday with Nick, not even expectantly, totally out-of-the-blue planning, and those are my favorite. My mom had brought up the idea to go sledding around 11:00, I had just woke up from a beautiful night sleep, (with the assistance of Nyquil, of course) and was feeling well-rested when she sprung the idea on me. She was taking my brother&his friend, so my inital reaction was that I wanted to go to bring Nick, since my mom is so anal about having guys over at my house. She agreed, reluctantly, but she still said yes. So, I texted Nick, and he blew off plans with Josh to hangout, so I took a shower and in a matter of time we were pulled up at Nick's house in the cul-da-sack he resides in. He hopped in the car with us, and we were off to the huge hill by the softball fields that I'd been playing at since I was like 6 years old. I was the only one that ended up sledding, I'm pretty sure Nick's the one that pushed me down, and by the end of the night, guess who had a bruise covering her whole left buttcheek? This girl did. Nick&I mostly just walked around, just hungout under the pavillion, and after I had to de-frost my painful hands two times, my mom packed us all up, and we went to McDonalds to get something quick to eat. Nick gave me shit about the food I eat, and him and my mom really hit it off, and I could not be more over-joyed by that.
As we were leaving, Paige texted me to see if I could hanout, so my mom agreed to drive Nick&I to Paige's house. We stopped over at my house first, so he got to see my bunkbed, and I gave him a full tour of the house. It was so weird seeing him in my house, I honestly didn't think the day would ever come. After we left, we just went to Paige's and watched movies together, I lay rested in Nick's warm arms from 3:00 to 11:00, and it was just a over-all great day.

So, the reason I was so giddy earlier, is because we were sitting in Paige's room, and I moved up from Nick's grasp around my waist, I looked back at him and felt that ribcage squeezing feeling that I had been waiting for, and after that the warm and tingly sensation followed, just like it did after Ian. The best part is, I don't love Nick because he's replacing or is like Ian, I love him because he treats me better everyday, than the person that I once claimed to love. Nick's not perfect, but he treats me with the love I know I deserve, so what more could I ask of him? He's already given me all I ask, but more than I ever expected.

winter rings new bells, starts a new life.

Remember my past post, about how my hatred for winter came from the blossoming of my first love, and then the recurring season made my heart stop in my chest because I didn't have him? Well, now I can say I welcome winter's presence, because it no longer puts a sweet sensation in my mouth, followed by a sting of sour flavor. As I look out my doors, a portal to the white sheets of frozen rain that lightly brush my cheekbones, instead of the weight of each particle swirling me into depression, it makes me want to step outside...and let each flake fall on me. I am free. What gave me this sence of flight? This overwhelming sensation to go 80 miles per hour down the country roads that lay ahead of me, and tilt my head back with my eyes tightly closed, and just let out this cry of joy. Like a past caged dove, I feel the need to soar as high as my graceful wings will carry me, just to dart back and forth, then to come back down in a blissful descend. I am this way now, because I finally made up my little confused mind. I had the moment, the moment I had remembered feeling, when you share a new and unknown experience with someone, and you feel almost as if your ribcage shrinked in size, since your heart all of a sudden feels this intense pulsating, squeezing feeling.

Yes, it happened with Nick, I'm so sure that I actually fell in love with him. We've been talking since September, but it took till now to really have that connection, that feeling like you gave that signifigant other a little part of your past, future, and soul. I was resistant, the thought of love, it's a frightning thing for someone who so young, so unguided through love's forest, slipped and fell in her attempt to make him simply not leave all they promised eachother so when I met Nick, I wasn't even out of that forest. The tricky part of what happened, is when Ian left, I was on my own, but still in love with him. So, when Nick popped into my life, I was still lost in all that I thought Ian&I were, and only recently did I find that the tale of our "love", isn't really a tale at all, more like something like a dream, burrowed in my subconscious. Ian and I weren't really all I thought we were. Nick&I aren't either, but I have all the time that I'm destined to have with him, to make some memories that will go down as some of the best...hopefully.
Now I can look at him, and instead, it's me always blurting out, "i love you", because it's just as much of a shock to me that I now don't mind winter, that it is that I now have found the stregnth to love and to have lost love.

the flame that's left.

I hate really having the need to blog, but not having a critically important thing to blog about, so I will recap how me and Lauren almost were not friends two days ago, I was going to post about it yesterday but I didn't feel like sorting out my thoughts into a post, and today I do.
So, Nick&I like to skip our FSP together occasionally, because it's soooo boring sitting in class with nothing to do at like 10:00, and having the option of taking a nice nap snatched away by Ms.Martinez's evil little hands, so when Nick posed the option of walking around our high school, I was more than eager to leave that class. So, while walking around, and looping around the hallways, (which had become a casual thing to do, I felt at home next to the white brick walls and Nick close beside me) I passed by Mrs.Moreno's room. The tricky part with passing Mrs.Moreno's room is that the pass I signed to be granted out of Mrs.Martinez's room was to Mrs.Moreno's room, so even though Moreno's pretty chill, if she saw me I'd be in trouble.
Well, as Nick&I passed by, Lauren popped out of the class and yelled on the top of her lungs, "Look, it's Gabi and Nick, and she's ditching class! Gabi and Nick!"
Holy shit, she's lucky I didn't have a cord by me, I probably would have strangled her with it.
But yeah, Lauren&I got in a blowup about it, and she called me crying and stuff, so we worked it out, but she's just irritated now that I never hangout with her, and she feels like we're drifting.
Honestly, she's right.
I'm not here to try to hold it all together though, there's too much life going on around me to try to stop all of it, to cater to Lauren's needs. Our friendship is a wavering flame that's close from going out, and there's not much more spindle that the flame of our friendship has to burn on. We don't even have classes together, and my priority's changed a lot, now I'm just in the mindset that I want to just let things happen like there meant to happen, naturally.  I'm not here to drop everything to save a friendship that I know won't last forever, anyways.

 

semester's over!

It's so funny, the semester's over, so half of my freshman year is drawn to a close. God, that's so sad. I don't see how people are so excited to graduate&even graduate early like this girl did on my bus, I want to savor every moment I'm still a high school kid. After this, you're a adult. That scares me, all the responsibilities and the stakes are always so much higher for everything when you're supposed to figure it out on you're own. Scary stuff...

 

how funny, that people really can love again.

I love you, Nick.

i just hope my head is in the right place this time.

Okay, I was just about to get off when I realized I had a big issue I had not yet sort out. I REALLY LIKE NICK IT'S JUST HE'S SHORTER THAN ME AND THAT SOMETIMES GETS EMBARESSING&ANNOYING AND I FEEL LIKE THE "MORE DOMINENT" ONE, WHEN INSIDE I'M THE DAINTY LITTLE FLOWER! AND I GET ANNOYED WHEN PEOPLE ARE ALL, "DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU THAT HE'S SHOTER?" IT'S LIKE PLEASEEEEEE FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, DON'T ASK ME THAT, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY IF I DID I EITHER WOULND'T BE DATING HIM OR I'D BE DOING WHAT I DO NOW, AND DEALING WITH IT! It's just annoying how in Highschool people have so many opinions about things, but I care about Nick, and he cares about me, so really...that's all that matters. I'm happy when he's happy, he's happy when I'm happy, and I'm only happy when I'm with him. So, lets just be happy together, you&I, Nicholas<3

old myspace photos...good lord.

me&Nick's new anniversary(:

Is on the 11th. Which is funny because the first time we dated, it was on the 1st, so I guess we just keep adding a one every time we date...looks like this is my last chance. Hope I don't fuck it up...

my dilemma...uncoded.

So, I was in a tight spot before, before meaning last weekend. Why was I in a tricky&sticky situation? Okay, well I will tell you.
So, to make a very long story shorter, I'll slightly recap my Saturday night at Paige's house. So, I got to Paige's and Nick came, and about 20 minutes after that this guy Cody came, and he was there for Paige, obviously. So, we were all on Facebook, and I commented on one of Matt's pictures where he has my bracelett on, and he texted me after that, telling me I should meet him at BP to hangout for a little while. So, we went, and it was awkward walking there since I know Matt&Nick dislike eachother because of me...but Matt still wanted me to go, and Nick didn't have much of a opinion about anything at that point. So, it was REALLY awkward at BP, since Matt was obnoxiously talking (probably to piss Nick off), and Nick sat quietly the whole time, and never said a word. I kept having to switch from talking to Nick, to talking to Matt, so it was annoying. My problem with that was that Nick&I were in a serious "not relationship" and I had feelings for Matt, but since my hand hurts, I don't want to get in huge detail, so I will sum it up very shortly. Matt told me he liked me for the first time, I made a fool out of myself by telling him Iliked him a lot, but since he had no reaction to that, I dropped that idea, and messed around with Nick. So, yeah. Me&Matt are awkward now, and Nick's my boyfriend, so all's fine in my world.

meet the pieces of this puzzle.

So, when I put up those random pictures, I thought maybe you'd like to see the people I talk about in my blogs, so here's some of the people I talk about:

                              Nick, with makeup on. I put that on so beautifully, actually.            

                             Paige, I don't know if I mentioned her yet, but I probably will.

                          Lauren, I picked way too nice of a picture for her's, but oh well.

 

 

 

Matt, I'm sure I mentioned him in this.

                       Last but not least, Ian. Yeah, he's the one with laying by me.

 

some random recent pictures.

my new year, one day at a time.

So, my new year's been a little crappy, lately. No, scratch that, it's been alright. Uneventful. Not in a bad way, just getting all hyped up for New Year makes you believe that the second the clock strikes 12:00, you'll feel like a new human, well that's some heaping pile of bull. Maybe if I was at the party I should have been at, I'd have a different flow of energy in my veins, because cooped up in my step-grandparents house was slowing ranging my heart rate down, to a death-like coma pace.
So, yeah.
I got pretty mad at Nick a lot recently, turns out he was at Sandra's house pretty wasted, and did some stuff that stabbed me right in the back. We're fine now, but still, it was just one of those things I'll have to remember in the future about Nick. He says he'll never drink again, since he got sooooooo sick afterwards, he even sent me messages of him in pain and stuff, but I can't confirm that Nick's teenage hand will not have alcohol in it.
Nick's a good kid, he doesn't even do bad stuff, but he succumbs to pressure really easily.
Hopefully, my new start pick's up, but in all reality, nothing's really changed, and everything's still solid, thankfully.