winter rings new bells, starts a new life.

Remember my past post, about how my hatred for winter came from the blossoming of my first love, and then the recurring season made my heart stop in my chest because I didn't have him? Well, now I can say I welcome winter's presence, because it no longer puts a sweet sensation in my mouth, followed by a sting of sour flavor. As I look out my doors, a portal to the white sheets of frozen rain that lightly brush my cheekbones, instead of the weight of each particle swirling me into depression, it makes me want to step outside...and let each flake fall on me. I am free. What gave me this sence of flight? This overwhelming sensation to go 80 miles per hour down the country roads that lay ahead of me, and tilt my head back with my eyes tightly closed, and just let out this cry of joy. Like a past caged dove, I feel the need to soar as high as my graceful wings will carry me, just to dart back and forth, then to come back down in a blissful descend. I am this way now, because I finally made up my little confused mind. I had the moment, the moment I had remembered feeling, when you share a new and unknown experience with someone, and you feel almost as if your ribcage shrinked in size, since your heart all of a sudden feels this intense pulsating, squeezing feeling.

Yes, it happened with Nick, I'm so sure that I actually fell in love with him. We've been talking since September, but it took till now to really have that connection, that feeling like you gave that signifigant other a little part of your past, future, and soul. I was resistant, the thought of love, it's a frightning thing for someone who so young, so unguided through love's forest, slipped and fell in her attempt to make him simply not leave all they promised eachother so when I met Nick, I wasn't even out of that forest. The tricky part of what happened, is when Ian left, I was on my own, but still in love with him. So, when Nick popped into my life, I was still lost in all that I thought Ian&I were, and only recently did I find that the tale of our "love", isn't really a tale at all, more like something like a dream, burrowed in my subconscious. Ian and I weren't really all I thought we were. Nick&I aren't either, but I have all the time that I'm destined to have with him, to make some memories that will go down as some of the best...hopefully.
Now I can look at him, and instead, it's me always blurting out, "i love you", because it's just as much of a shock to me that I now don't mind winter, that it is that I now have found the stregnth to love and to have lost love.