2012 resolutions.

Okay, I basically made that last post with that same intentions as this post, so now I'll rant about what I want to do better in 2012, so hopefully some of these will be accomplished by the end of 2012, if there is a end to 2012. I'll blog about that some other time.

1. I'd like to keep this positive attitude about life, how it's never as bad as it may seem, and things always get better.
2. Not to compare myself to other people, I am me, and I'm stuck with me, so I better get used to it.
3. Try to maintain a healthy diet, I'm skinny, no doubt, but I know I eat a lot of crap most of the time, and I think I'd just be more content with myself if I tried to pick up a cauliflower instead of Goldfish. 
4. Not to forget that I'm a writer.
5.  Put myself out there more, get involved in more activities and help out around the school, your only in high school once, might as well soak in as much as possible.
6. To lessen up the hunt for my perfect match, he'll come around when I'm not looking for him.
7. To try harder in school, stay more focused and motivated ALL THE TIME, just because other people aren't freaking out about school doesn't mean you shouldn't be, it's your future, not theirs.
8. Master the Spanish language.
9. Let go of the past, it'll never come back, and I think I'd feel better if I just let that gently be dropped from my shoulders.
10.  Make every day count, like it's your last, and continue to strive to be the best person I could possibly be. 

Simple enough, I'm sure I can do it.

now the end is here, and i'm not happy about it.

I've been posting a lot about 2011, but that's because I've never had a blog like this that I'm really interested in, and I like the thought that some day down the road I can look back on what I was thinking right now, at this very moment. It'll be useful for me, because the biggest stressers in my life right now are: my grades, Spanish, my finals, group high school activities that I maybe should be in, and if I'm making the "right" choices today that will affect my tomorrow, and so on and so forth. It almost feels risky going to school everyday, because I'm so nervous about how I don't know what lies ahead of me, it's not like I'm being bullied, because I am not, but I'ts the bigger picture of what I have to be nervous about when I walk through those doors. It's like your safe and sound on the bus, not much can change your life on there, unless you get in a car accident or something, but when your bus rears at the school and dumps you out, there you are, unprotected against something I've come to call my biggest enemy...my future.
It's this scary to me because I want to be something great, I mean my grades aren't terrible, there is just three subjects that I bomb every time. I don't know what to do about those. I could switch out of Spanish, but then I'd have to do a language in my Senior year, because it's required that you have 3 years of one language, so if I switch then I'm stuck with a language on my Senior year schedule, and I do not want that.
So yeah, typical me getting sidetracked. 
Basically, I welcome the new year's approach, but I just wish time could come to a halt so I could catch my breath.

I'll make sure to add 2011 pictures soon.

Thank you dad, for your taste in music.

how my 2011 went down, in a nutshell.

Here, is a list of some things off the top of my head that I thought I'd share about my 2011.

• Met this really cool not so cool guy, Quinn, and decided to make him my boyfriend, not exactly working out so well in my favor, but I did learn a lot about myself, and added another mistake or few onto my list.
•  Found out what it's really like to be in someone else's shoes, the one's that get snooty comments and jeers at, I was in those shoes, but I conquered it, with as much grace as I could in that situation. Give myself points for standing tall though all of that, and being back on top in the end.
• Got the best grade on a social studies final that I imagined, pretty proud moment for myself.
• Sailed through the end of 8th grade, finally found my footing, and ended up mending some broken bridges with my first love, Ian.
• Got my first picture with me and Ian, Frank was there too, but I just remember that being a big moment for me, like we were maturing enough to take pictures together and just be cool with each other, quite refreshing to me.
• Went to the fair, brought back some painful bittersweet memories of what once was, but spent a end of the night with Ian, where I was faced with the choice of Alex or Ian, and I'm sure you can bet on who I chose.
• Met Matt, not really because I didn't pay attention to him, but little did I know what role he'd play in my life as quite a friend, he's just a genuine person, and I'm lucky to have met him, and had him in my journalism class(:
• Went a full 3 months with no contact from Ian, sucked major butt, but that was the best thing to happen to me, the time apart let me reflect on the dynamic of our "relationship"...he doesn't deserve to have me.
• Spent like the WHOLE summer with Lauren, good bonding time, lots of laughs, and tons of sun.
• Went to Zach's with Lauren, met Matt there for the "first" time, we were so good for a while, Canada tore us apart, but we weren't the only ones...
• Lost a friendship with Zach, not really much of a loss.
• Learned how to give myself the respect other people should give me, basically taught other people how they treat me, it really got me places.
• Stayed out of trouble, except for somewhere along the road picking up a cigarette, soooo gross, but still got busted for that, you live and you learn.
• Went to Lake Placid, there's nothing better for the soul than water-skiing, peace and quiet, and crystal clear lake water.
• Learned life is never as bad as it may seem, and it will one day probably be worse so enjoy it while it lasts, and the stuff your parents do that pisses you off, they do because they love you.
• Lost my first love, decided to let that dream die with the 2009 summer sun.
• Met some people I'm sure I'll never remember, and some I'll never forget.
• Got in a car accident, scared the shit out of my whole family, and almost killed my great-grandmother with that. Some stitches over my eye, a severe concussion, and my step-dad saw the nurse wiping me since I couldn't go pee by myself, to  make it worse I was on my period, great.
• Got like two UTI's, and had strep like four times, almost got my "very large glands" taken out.
• My top left wisdom tooth peeks out of my gums at this very moment.
• I dropped the trombone, decided that was a middle school thing.
• Graduated Middle School, big achievement for a 14 year old.
• Said goodbye to the best times of my life, but only look back from time to time.
• Stayed in contact with my old Science teacher, Mr. K, he's so cool.
• Almost did softball in the fall, too bad the accident smashed my face up too much.
• Still have not been stung by a bee.
• Ate Indian food for the first time, yum.
• Went to high school, oh boy, and I have a second love...the school where I will spend the next years of my adolescence.
• Met a ton of people, one in particular that treated me the way I should be treated, Nick, if only he didn't have a anger problem and he was 3 feet taller, he's be my perfect match.
• Actually had a good math teacher, I guess math isn't too bad.
• I've been happy every day at school, not many people can say that.
• Failing Spanish, maybe I'll do better next year.
• Got kissed by my first junior, hopefully more to come.
• Contemplated leaving a friendship behind, decided against it.
• Oh yeah, had my first fight, and now I'm civil with that same girl, I still dislike her greatly, though.
• Had about 4 wardrobe transformations: goth to punk, and from preppy to me.
• Discovered I had 20/25 eyesight, and never broke a bone, except possibly my toe when I kicked Lauren with no padding in my boot.
• Had like a 1. something GPA, I know I'm soooo much smarter, I just need to get grounded.
• Got asked to go back in English Honors, and was SOOOOOOOO excited because I knew I was too smart for the people in my class.
• Wrote a pretty impressive Romeo&Juliet paper, if I do say so myself.
• Trying to figure out my type of music, I think it's just a little of all my friends listen to.
• Still a virgin, as I knew I would be, by choice obviously. Which is pretty good considering the girls around me, but again  I don't judge, there decisions are there decisions.
• Had like 3 or 4 phones, one I dropped in the bathtub.
• Found I need to pursue a career in writing, because I'm a boss at it, and I'd like to go to IU, even though the thought of rushes scare me.
• Failing journalism, ironically, but it's not the type of writing I'm interested in, I'll most likely write a novel.
• Made my sophomore year schedule, wanted to cry in the middle of the guidance counselors office since I'm so sad that the year's almost over.
• Came into LC as wanting to be a avid club member, that has yet to become a reality.
• Undecided on whether or not I like having a bunk bed as a freshman.
• Gliding through life, high as a kite. (not literally)
• Never smoked weed, good for me.
• Fighting with my brother, and told Nick my biggest secret, hope he's careful with it.
• Laughed more than ever before, since I know how much I'm worth.
• Always trying to find a reason to smile. 
• No classes with Lauren, and totally O.K. with it, we'll see where the future takes us.
• "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."
• "Laugh as much as you breathe, and love as long as you live."
• Let people make mistakes, because I sure hope someone will still be by my side when I make them.
• Holding life to it's true meaning, just to live it.
• And I can surely say, "I'm happy", because I may not always think I'm beautiful, or smart, but one day someone will.
• "You are kind, you are smart, you are important" -The Help
• Oh yeah, saw great movies, made me think
• Had the big blow out talk about how my dad left, and how I feel about Kendra. The wall dropped, I know how to forgive.
• I don't blame Kylie or Dominic, there my life and my heart, and I hope they grow to be as great as I know they will be
• My heart's a open book, willing to always add more things in, but never erase.

Basically, I could go on forever saying things that made me smile about 2011, but I think you got the picture, I just need to say, I love life.

gabi's song.

Best thing I learned today: my dad did dance with me when I was a baby. He did, he did the thing that ideal fathers do, the one's on hallmark cards, he did, he danced with his baby girl, his first born love. That just happened to be me, and I can not be more honored, that such a man as my father, took my hand, so small and fragile, and shared with me the most sacred moment in a little girl's life, her first dance with her daddy.

as the new year approaches.

It's really sad, how fast time goes. It's like one second it's here, and your just enjoying your daily life, with your daily complications and beautiful moments that happen each 24 hours, and then the next second your sitting there and the reality that another year that you can never get back is passing, and it slaps you in the face with such force you feel like your not grounded, like you can't comprehend reality, real from allusion. That's where I'm at right now, as I look upon my brother and sister eating there candy all I can think about is how they have no idea how lucky they have it, they live life for the moment, and the biggest stresser of there day-to-day is if someone is going to make them take a nap or not. I used to be tht kid, and that's amazing to me, that I lived a life so carefree and wild...there's nothing better than being a kid. 
I still am a kid, yes, but I know more and more as the years pass about how the world works, and rearing the age of almost 15, I've absored more things I never sat and pondered about how i live, the things that I think about constntly now. 
Things like how my grades affect my entire existence, whether I'll get into a five star college or not, whether I'll be in the same college as my soul mate, how i will never know if the choices i make as the days pass are the wrong ones, like i could have had it better if I did this thing that way.
So, basically the whole point of this post is that I'm proud of myself because I learned probably the most important skills of my life this year, ones I found on my own time, and I showed to myself. No advice showed me these skills, I learned them by experience and opening my mind to a bigger picture than my peers have around me. 

*I learned how to teach people how to treat me, to be more complicated and hard-to-get go instead of becoming just like any other girl, I'm different. I don't play games with people, I'm real. I'm raw, I don't beat around the bush with things, I'm straight-forward and kind, and I've found that's the best way to be.

*I've learned how to be happy. I'm happy! HAPPY! The stresses that I used to let bother me, don't. Of course I get stressed out, over my head overwhelmed with certain things, but I'm happy. I learn how to juggle situations, and accomplish things I don't want to do with poise and grace. I don't get invested in other people's situations, I just float around them, being a partner in their passage, offering advice but not my whole self. I'm a better person and friend, and found that what happens in other people's life, happens, and not to dip into other people's personal life, especially uninvited. I don't have negative opinions about people's decisions, because my opinion on it is, "well, there not making me do it, so whatever they do, they do", and I don't judge, I just move on. ALL THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE I'M HAPPY!

I'm proud of myself&my mistakes, because there is many more to come, I'll welcome the people and the places that come into my life, and I hope I just suction-cup everything around me, like I continue to do now.