i feel like a terrible person.

I got exactly what I always wanted.
Someone who would do anything&everything for me, and chooses me over anyone else.
He makes fun of me, but would never leave.
And now there are moments when I'm worried I might want to...
I'm not perfect, I hate a lot of things about me.
1. my nose
2. my height
4. my butt
5. my boobs
6. my feet (weird, I know)
Then there are just things I don't hate, but I don't like...
1. my hair
2. my eyes
3. my hands
And Nick makes fun of a majority of the things I just said. Not really in a mean way, but still. He thinks I'm beautiful, and I don't know what I am.
Then it scares me, because I change my mind on myself all the time.
And this is all jumpled and makes no sence but I'm stressed out!
Stressed with:
*School
*Home
*Apperance issues
*What I just woke up about
*Nick
*Ian
And how hard is it for Nick to just be taller than me?!
Uggh, and now I'm a mess, and I just want things to be 100% O.K., and no one can promise me that, and that makes me scared.
And I want what I shouldn't want, and feel the need to reject what I wished for, and just want to grow up and be safe and O.K. and I desperately need someone to assure me, and no one can.
NO ONE CAN.
Not one person can tell me what to do that will make me happy.
And I'm really scared of losing him, both of them.
And I don't even have the choice to choose, but I might throw everything away, to have nothing.

and then I'll be even worse.

I just want to go back to when I was surely convinced life would never change, and I'd stay young&free and he'd never leave, and summer would never end, and I'd always be happy, and I'd never be insecure, and I'd never have to choose, and I'd never have to walk away, and you'd never have to change, and I'd always be enough, and I never had to worry, and you'd always be with me.
And I'd be myself forever.